不思議教室讀後感

最近看了本漫畫覺不思議教室
裡面的女主角因為失去了摯友
而搬家到摯友生前最喜歡的都市
試著找出自己認為自己一直以來失去的那一塊情感
但自然是徒勞無獲
雖然情境狀況不盡相同
但隨著年齡成長
也常常認為自己漸漸麻痺
失去了某些身為人應該要存在的感情

突然想起一句台詞
"在學會愛人之前，要先懂得愛自己"

Silently lonely night

In such a quiet and lonlely night in this city, as usual I sat on the chiar thinking of the coming days. Is it symbolizing the refusing of work or just another nihility emotion?
What is the element I lack of? As the days passing, the meaningless root grew deeper and deeper. I must do something, must start to move forward. For many reasons I believed I've been fooling around for a period of time. Time to move on. To move forwad. Not a need but a must. A must.

Thou will not have it

No matter how you said
the truth I held
the faith I kept
everything
will not change
People used to judge others
before themselves
To live in a lie
to live free
I have my own path to carry on
Sorry to slow you guys down

Est - Rita - FoF

火焰之舞
我和這個表演藝術的相遇
是在麗塔小窩
一首讓我很有感覺的BGM
向她詢問之後
才知道那是火焰之舞
於是就認識到了這個東西
這中間到底過了幾年呢
從進入石器到遇上Rita
從變成論壇版主到論壇消失
從論壇消失到現在
中間的幾次偶遇
以及現在的間接平台
funny
儘管這些年一切都變了
但我也還是活的好好的
接下來到底要怎樣
也沒有人知道就是
Est - Rita - FoF
這些連綿的關係鏈
將會永遠在我腦海中

Is it she?

Just for once I thought it's her.
Later, it seemed it's another ruin.
Just as the original favor tribe.

To go

later ten hours of destinied time
right now nobody
since the road is known as predicted
still,
hate that feeling

Silhouette Mirage

在一個沒人記得的世界裡，她盡力奮戰著......




真感傷
雖然很痛苦地破美版
但是還是對這孤獨的結局趕到難過
雖然"不能停，只有打"
但是最後呢...

其實我一直都有在更新...

只是都是我不想說出來的話罷了
現在連英文短文都沒在寫了
感覺上我已經沒甚麼好失去的了

The depression

Looking at the people in yer place, what's thee?
While leaving, what's thee?
Deep within the sky, behind the visible materials,
in the heart, bounded in mind,
what's thee?
Caged animals,
the source of staying in the cage is fear.
The origin.
The source.
Deep in the subconscious of all human beings.
However, is that all?
How about Frued's theory of self-destruction?
So much, so less.
So full, so empty.

Natrualized Corruption

Time Lost

Wasting a lifetime
Trying to find love
Nothing happens
No hope, no girl

Suddenly see her
But ten years before
Can't do anything
Used to be friends, nothing more

Now realized affection
Can go no further
Lost a lifetime
And lost desire

Try to forget
But can't
Try to die
But don't

Mind suddenly gone
No end is near
Nothing to do now
But go on

by Gary R. Hess

Although she might not exist in my part, the major thought of the poem still striked my mind hardly.
To live is such a hard and unbearable thing.
But go on.
Go on as the cure never exists.

What if I met you three years earlier.

What if I met you three years earlier? After a serious consideration, I found the original one in the memories, which was just a kid with his own life style. Somehow, someday, that kid changed as I planned to be. Yes, the quotation I'd love to say, "To learn all others' own advantages and digest them for your own use". Let me take a guess, how long has it been? About fifteen years? How many people have been "digested" by you? Even, who is that "you" stand in front of me? An aggregate?
These are the environmental factors effecting our personalities, which include parents and friends. I believe this is the way you evolved so far. And you're convinced of it, which symbolized a pure evolution from one was harder and slower than taking from others. However, it didn't mean you don't have the ability to improve yourself. In fact, you're doing so good that you even don't know.
Three years earlier won't change any thing. Taking so many years to be the one you want to be, which caused you a mistaken impression, "what if I met you three earlier". According to the experience, the point that caused this illusion was not on the way of learning but accompanying. Yes, one is always lonely, so one is always seeking for another one to be with. The intelligence, charm, and personality. People live with so many instincts, which also contains self destruction. I'm curious on how you'll grow in the later days. Therefore, I'll watch you as you inspect me. Both of us need somebody to witness each other's ending, isn't it?

The day's coming

Bah!
Finally the day's coming,which has been expected and unexpected for a period of time.
How can one live in this world without contacting thee.
Once again, fear occupied my heart by a shameful reason.
And I know, when my destined time comes, I will not commit thee.
It's another fear can't be conquered.
What a shame.

417

4月18日卻在祝福4月17
請原諒最近體力不太夠的在下
誕生日おめでと，
そして，いつか，また。

Gossip gossip during the first spring in 2008

So many things changed dramatically these days, which included both physical and mental parts. Different from the past, I tried to be harshly disciplined one. Doubting everything I might face, friends, co-workers, bosses, and even myself. What is it that I'm seeking for? So hard. Looking at my limited abilities, I can't even imagine more.
So many unbalanced things came these days, which showed me how corrupt the environment is again. Hard work? Excellent ability? What for? What's the purpose of your actions? A better life in the future? I don't understand.

Now I can barely understand why I seek for my golden age in SA. Too many limitations has made too many gloomy souls. Understanding what I has lost has tortured me a lot. Moreover, seeking for the lost pieces has done even.

But, what if. What if?
What if the binding chains are gone, will I?
Will I? Will I?

To Rita

For a letter never delivered, I shall still write thee down. During the past years in R's Studio, which really made me felt I was really doing something worthy to others by meeting many people in different areas visiting your site. It's really happy and thankful as I found that my name was included in your autobiography; meanwhile, our relationship built in the Stone Age encouraged me a lot in the unreliably internet society, which bloomed a true friendship only by the communications of the words. Tata, Evonne, XYZghost(Bogle), and many other friends I met at your place were a nice experience.
I really appreciate your hard work connecting so many from so few. Yes, my memory shall be ended in such a feeling; however, in a long and lonely journey seeking for myself in the loneness world, I did conceive you into another ideal, which sometimes confused me a lot.
Since you and your work left me, things changed quickly. There're two parts consisting of my entire life, school life and it's after life. I'd like to define it as "internet life". And the most of it during that time was keeping staying at your site. The problem was pretty clear, I need a substitution. Strangely, I did have my solution, and it did work. On the contrary, an empty feeling was filled with my heart again, which appeared once in my junior high. You knew I have had a habit of writing, and you even gave me a space to place my works. In some cases, I shall say sorry to you for transferring our relationship to a romance in some of my works. I do miss those days. People will always change and we shall keep walking. Yes, I knew them all well. But for now, give me some more time to conquer my weakness. Let me stay in this little swamp for a little longer. Things will be done, shall be done.
Sincerely,

your friend, Vanity
20080212 in Jioufen

鼠年

Rock man 2 rocks
鼠年到了
整個年的總檢討令人失望
不過也在年前把一些會讓人難過的狀況做了了斷
破釜沉舟
接下來
又是什麼？
好想把一切直接做個了斷
但那也是不負責任而任性的行為
等吧
等所有的鎖鏈都粉碎的那天到來
Things shall be done then.
Perhaps.

Bad tart

"You need a target to fulfill.
You have to work hard to be there!
You can't just stand there do nothing.
Be a human with desire!
Figure what you want now!
Always fit the standard of this society,
even it's rotten and corrupted for you.
And at last,
give me my tart, boy."

Oh,no.
The tart is bad.

To be or not to be in the situation of blogging

One blogged the words within his heart,
but is afraid to dispose one's thought,
which resulted in the maze-like words.
Day after day,
one expected for someone understanding the truth behind words.
However,
nobody could break the fence built there.
Once the fence is broken,
one can't bear the fear of the consequence.
Ironically,
as one concerned about the readers,
there might be nobody.
Unavoidable truth,
endless doubting,
everything leads to nihilism.
The answer is simple.
So simple.
But it's lonely.
On the way of endless loneness and unbearable pains,
one shall walk on,
one still walk on.
To the end,
to end the end,
to make an end.

Destiny, tangled wires

One stay alive all for others.
Tangled wires of friends, lovers, and families.
Awaiting the moment of all the wires are destroyed.
Entanglements no more.
The true freedom shall appear.
Reasons to survive too much.
Do you forsake the world?
Do you?

Illogical logic

Works needed to do versus works wanted to do.
Things should be done but never be done.
Eternal pains grew within the dark galaxy.
Illogical words flew above the logical truth.
Searching,finding,seeking.
The day, the one, the dream.
Which existed without existence.
For a long lonely way.
One shall walk on.
For an endless thorny path.
One shall walk on.